So long gone….but hey!


Its been quiet sometime since I last wrote here….but then hey….who is complaining when you have dirty nappies to change, food to prepare and yes work that needs to be delivered month after month :)

No thats not the reason for my absence…its been the sense of detachment or aloofness you may say….does it really matter what I say or feel…you get the drift….

So I have been saving a number of my scribbles in my draft…here is one of them (the lighter ones)

SulkI read about a mom making a contract with her son when she bought him a new iphone. Now that I dont have a kid big enough to have a contract, I looked at Romeo and told him, you and me are going to have a contract and you better abide by it. What was his response, you will get to know. But before that, here are 10 things I told him to abide by:

  1. You shall not wake me up at 6 AM now that Aalo is also sleeping with me and I dont sleep well most of the nite.
  2. You shall wake your Dad up instead at 7 AM for the morning walks. He takes time but persistence pays.
  3. You shall not keep staring at me when Im having my cup of tea hoping that I will give you that last cookie thats in the jar.
  4. You shall not bark at every car or person who passes by our house. Firstly, they are not coming to our house and secondly you wake up Aalo.
  5. You shall learn to be a man and not let Leaia take away the toy from your mouth within seconds. atleast hold it for a minute before she comes and grabs it from you.
  6. You shall always be the eldest baby on mine but please behave like one. Dont start crying and bawling whenever Mom and Dad have to go out.
  7. You shall not roll over the grass outside and then look with those longing eyes at me to allow you to jump on Aalos’ bed so that you can sleep with me. You are a grown up man now, better behave.
  8. You shall not be a sissy whenever theres thunderstorm, clouds and rains. The Chinese New Year fireworks are not going to harm you as well.
  9. You shall not demand to sit in the front sit of the car on my lap. You weigh 35 KGs (>70Lbs) and I cant hold you for so long.
  10. You shall always and I repeat always remain my first baby…so remember that!

And of course Romeo has always got an answer for me. His answers are next to each point:

Bliss!

  1. You shall not wake me up at 6 AM now that Aalo is also sleeping with me and I dont sleep well most of the nite. Mum, its natural for me to wake you up when I wake up. I give up on you bcoz nowdays you dont take me out. Dad despite I barking at him incessantly has learnt to put the pillow on his head and sleep on. So I will wake up whoever wakes up. Period.
  2. You shall wake your Dad up instead at 7 AM for the morning walks. He takes time but persistence pays.
    As I said above, I will wake up whoever wakes up. Period.
  3. You shall not keep staring at me when Im having my cup of tea hoping that I will give you that last cookie thats in the jar. Mum, you cannot have the last cookie. You never had. Its always for me. Now grudgingly I have to share with Leaia but its not yours. So why bother?
  4. You shall not bark at every car or person who passes by our house. Firstly, they are not coming to our house and secondly you wake up Aalo. It is my right to protect my house and you from every danger (real or unreal). I will bark at anyone who comes near my house. Aalo doesnt understand it yet. But she will, that Im her big brother and I will do all I can to protect her.
  5. You shall learn to be a man and not let Leaia take away the toy from your mouth within seconds. atleast hold it for a minute before she comes and grabs it from you. Mum, how can you say that? Has Dad ever gone to a movie that you didnt want? Has he ever gone on a holiday without you? Then how can I keep the toy with me when My wife says she wants it. You should know better Mum!
  6. You shall always be the eldest baby on mine but please behave like one. Dont start crying and bawling whenever Mom and Dad have to go out. Oh come on Mom! You tell me that babies cant go out with elders. Then you go ahead and take Aalo with you. Its not fair. I will cry till you figure out how you can take me along. Im OK with Leaia staying back though!
  7. You shall not roll over the grass outside and then look with those longing eyes at me to allow you to jump on Aalos’ bed so that you can sleep with me. You are a grown up man now, better behave. Mum, I roll over the grass out of happiness. But Im happiest when sleep next to you. Whats there to behave?
  8. You shall not be a sissy whenever theres thunderstorm, clouds and rains. The Chinese New Year fireworks are not going to harm you as well. You have no idea mum! Those noises are all armed assualts. Im scared because unlike the US of A we cant keep guns at home. You never know when those guns will start shooting us!
  9. You shall not demand to sit in the front sit of the car on my lap. You weigh 35 KGs (>70Lbs) and I cant hold you for so long. The front seat on your lap will always be mine. However big I may get, I will adjust myself in your lap. Please tell the girls to sit at the back!I need my sleep!
  10. You shall always and I repeat always remain my first baby…so remember that! Ofcourse Mum…thats why Im doing what Im doing.

The contract went up in tatters. He decided to pee on the paper and go out with a swagger…Atta Boy…My Romeo!

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Telephone Diaries…..!


Remember the good old days when you had a phone (I loved the ones where to dial a number we had to spin a wheel and it created a whirling motion!) and next to it was a mandatory phone diary, a pen and in some cases a stand where you could keep your receiver and the person on the other side could hear some music….Ah!

We had a black color phone, a red color that musical machine, couple of diaries and a pen that was never there when we wanted.

No the diary was very important. My grandpa had his own pocket diary, my uncles had a big one (The Med Reps used to give him all kind of medicinal promotional phone diaries etc). I never got to own any because why would a kid need a diary. Whatever numbers you had to dial, you remembered them!

Sometimes, I used the elders’ diaries to make a phone call here and there. Now the weird part was that if lets say the person’s name starts with A, you wont find him in the section that says alphabet A. It would be based on the whims of the person who entered the name. So let say a guy names Alok who is the chairman of a society, his name would be in K. K, not because the name of the society is K, but because this fellow happens to be a Kashmiri!

One of the funniest ones were, an uncle whose name started with S, and had a bit of squint was named under B. Because B stands for Bhainga which means in Hindi a squinted fellow….sad but true :)

Similarly, the milkmans number will not be under his name or M but some other weird place.

Now in the days of mobiles/smartphones, how do you save the numbers? Some people with an OCD save the name meticulously like:

  • Company Name_Name_City
  • Name_Interest
  • Group_Name
  • Name_Relation (Im sure folks from India with big families would need this)
  • Name_Occupation (I do this sometimes, to save the numbers of the various maids I have had)
  • …and so on!

The only good thing about this is that the Search functionality limits the error and most of the times you do get the right number.

But here also some kinda funny things can happen. Now Im sharing this with all good faith and no offense meant to anybody. I respect the guy and his work but Im pathetic with Names. I dont forget faces but I forget names. To save the name of this wonderful person who used to make custom furniture for us, instead of his name and occupation, I saved it as “Furn Surdie”! Why because he is a Sardar…till date I get confused with his name but I ensure every festival I call him and still keep in touch with him. Thank God in India you can getaway from remembering the name. All you have to do is to call the other person “Bhaiya” meaning elder brother….Again sincere apologies but then…I know he wont mind :)

Do share your experience….

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The happiness and the guilt……


Its going to be 6 months since we have Aaleiya in our lives and everyday is a blessing from the Gods or Powers to be. She lights up every moment of our lives.

What bothers me is that past few months the time I spend with my other two babies (Romeo and Leaia) has become so limited that I cringe when Romeo puts his face on my leg looking sadly into my eyes and asking where did my Mom go? Or when Leaia comes dancing with her toy in her mouth when I’m trying to get Aaleiya to sleep; trying to tell me that playing with her will be an infinitesimal fun :(

So how do I manage? The walks and run with my 4 legged babies are far and few. Even when Im back from work Aaleiya is taking almost 100% of my time. Hubby is trying his best to give time to them amidst his equally busy schedule. But I know my boy longs for me and my girl is trying so hard to have the girlie sessions with me….

Now I also think to be fair, that they aren’t that demanding. SO may be its my own guilt or am i expecting too much out of myself. There are times I really want to just be with them, playing, goofing, running and generally spending time with them. They I know will be happy just with that. But then the other part says, Aaleiya is growing so fast, whatever time I have left from the busy schedule I should spend with her so that I don’t miss her growing up….

Que Sera Sera….lets see how it goes.

I hope Aaleiya grows up and understands the love that these two babies give us each and everyday of our lives. I hope she understands that its only a dog that loves you more than he/she loves self. I hope she knows that it is a pre-requisite for her to be able to love and show compassion for other animals and beings who are not as fortunate as her. I hope she recognizes that feeling love and helping others makes sense for life if not money. I hope she turns out to be a good human being first before a succesful one at that!

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Only a mother……


Only a mother……

will stay awake the whole night to ensure that one mosquito doesnt bite her baby.

will make sure that she hugs her girl when she sleeps.

will sneak out of office just to see the smile of her baby before she goes to sleep.

will cry copious tears when her baby leaves home for good.

will be ready to kill anyone who even dares to think or look at her girl.

will think twice before buying that another handbag or a pair of shoe Vs a dress for her baby.

will willingly give away herself or a part of her to save her child.

will think that her child is the best even if he isnt.

will not question the child if (s)he doesnt love her back the same way as she does.

will cry for the lost souls and strangers whom she couldnt save but they could have been her own.

Only a mother……will stay awake the whole night to to kill that one mosquito that dared to bite her baby!

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Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high…..


……Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake! Tagore.

This was the poem I grew up with.

The whole world is talking about the shame that India just saw. A woman not just gang raped but mercilessly beaten, unmentionable things done to her and now fighting for her life in a hospital in Delhi!

I see a whole media circus being played around the same. It seemed that the news channel are happy they got some headlines! They have big stars, ministers et al coming to their studios and waxing eloquent on what should be done blah and blah…what good will it do? How will it help? Till date the bill hasnt passed and law has not been made. The girl is fighting for her life while the circus goes on. Shame on us!

This is the country my Father India has become. A country that is sleeping, a country that is not bothered, a country which doesnt care or know about its priorities…a country which my Father I have shamed!

I have a daughter. We are Indians. We dont live in India. But she will know she is one and sooner or later I do plan to take her home to show the country which is her own where she is the first citizen. But Im scared.

Im scared for her to grow up at all in her motherland. I wish that she turns out to be as strong or stronger than me.But was it my strength or luck that I was safe in Delhi all those years that I travelled in the buses, got pick pocketed, got groped, leched at and basically survived thru all that. What would good my strength and confidence would have been, if I had to encounter 6 monsters at one go…and my boyfriend was not even in the same city! I shudder at the thought….I think I took it for granted and I was lucky!

Do I want my girl to be strong but is it enough. She needs luck too! But will she be lucky enough if she grows up with such fear? The monsters are not just outsiders, they could be well within…this is not just India this could be anywhere? How do I protect her? Will she be able to protect herself?

This time, it refuses to go away. All this while, whenever such incidences happened we took it with a pinch of salt, felt anger and outrage and moved on. But this time it just refuses to go! It refuses to let me sleep. I hug my girl tight and hold her close to me saying a prayer….!

It makes me wonder, do I ever want to go back? Even if I dont go back how will I sleep the nights (or days for that matter) when she will be away? What do I do so that she is covered? Thought of teaching self defence came in my mind, but is that enough? What else to watch out for? How will she protect herself from the guns and the goons?

Till then I pray.

I pray for the girl who is fighting for her life.

I pray for all the women who have gone thru this.

I pray for all the women who brave thru this and are unable to speak up.

I pray for me, I pray for my girl and I pray for my country!

 

 

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When life says ‘Hello’ to you!


Its been 3 months and counting between chaos, madness, noise but an immense flow of love, happiness and joy!

Between the cries of Aaleiya and the barks of Romeo, life seems to be saying Hi and Hello in mysterious ways. Everything seems a bit surreal and only love seems real. Is it me or is it the effect of new motherhood? 'Hello'Whatever it is; anything that is negative or painful seems so transient.

Our little baby has wrapped all of us around her li’l fingers. Romeo who initially was quiet disturbed with the idea of a crying baby is not a zealot when it comes to guarding Aaleiya. he refuses anyone other than us to come near her. Leaia who is forever happy to find a new playmate can’t wait for her to grow up. P who initially was nervous to hold her seems to be really enjoying changing nappies and clothes for this li’l girl!

Now its my turn. Initially I thought, it will be difficult for me to leave her with the maid and go for work. But then with the cameras in place, etc once I went to office there was no looking back. Does it make me a bad mother that I really did not have any separation anxiety or pangs? I went to work and it took me few hrs to get immersed into the rhythm and then there was no looking back.

How does it go from here?

I don’t feel any different, I look forward to coming back home but I also look forward to going to work in the morning… I eagerly wait for the Friday to end so that 2 days can be spent with my girl but then I also wake up early on a Monday morning all set to go to work… When at work I don’t think of anything but work but once I’m home I shut off work…

Do all mothers feel like me or am I different? We will see how it goes from here but for now Life is saying a big Hi to me and I wanna say welcome home to life :)

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As the day goes into nite and the nite brings the day….


It’s 2 months and counting and each day it seems she is growing bit by bit….

Last 2 months have been some learning experience for me. Right from feeding, changing nappies, giving a bath and so on. No pre-natal class can teach you what real life experience can! I’m finally getting in tune with her, learning her cues, when she is hungry or sleepy or when she simply wants me to sing while she just listens and so on… I guess I’m growing too!

While she is learning the ways of the world, my other two babies are learning the new way of life that includes this new little creature. It’s surprising to see how both of them react so differently to Aaleiya…..

Romeo: The pampered, elder one, always ready to sulk at the drop of a hat, has finally accepted that Aaleiya is here to stay and is NOT a guest :) However, what stresses him the most is her crying! He simply walks out of the room trying to tell me that he doesn’t have anything to do with this. The poor guy gets so stressed with the crying that he doesn’t bark now when his dad comes home and if Aaleiya is sleeping! He knows that bark equals crying which in turn equals stress for him. Leave the barking for some other day, I guess!

LeaiaLeaia: My girl on the other hand is taking her role of an elder sister quiet seriously. She is desperate to play with Aaleiya. While Romeo walks out when Aaleiya cries, she is ready with her toy to play with her so that she is happy. With her trademark shimmy Leaia is in the perennial hope that one day Aaleiya will be her li’l sister who will share her toys with her.

What both are currently hoping that all the toys that Aaleiya has, they will get to play with. Since Romeo has been with us for now more than 5 years and I truly believe he is my son, I was in tears when I saw him dancing around to get Aaleiya’s toy….it suddenly hit me that he won’t live as long and he is after all a dog with much shorter life span….:(

But then, whatever time we have with these two kids, I guess will be the best life we can imagine. P tells me that wherever we are at any point of time we will adopt animals…noble thought yes…but for me no one can take the place of these two fur kids!

I always knew Romeo is the more perceptive one. Somewhere I think he feels he has lost me to Aaleiya because of the time I’m unable to spend with him… so he has decided to eat much less or eat only when one of us feeds him. We have to figure out a way to balance the time that I spend with him so that he doesn’t feel ignored. Any ideas or suggestions?

More later on the escapades soon. We all are learning to find our tuning and rhythm.

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